Sorry Republicans, But A $1,000 Minimum Wage Is Very Reasonable

  1. HUMOR


Photo licensed via IStockPhoto

A lot of people are struggling to make ends meet.

Inflation is skyrocketing. Working-class families can’t pay rent, buy groceries, and afford other necessities of life. And to make things worse, it’s more expensive than ever to drive to work thanks to high gas prices.

Despite all of the doom and gloom surrounding the modern economy, there is a solution: pay everyone $1,000 per hour. I mean, it’s not like such a policy would create a never-ending spiral of hyperinflation, right?

A $1,000 Per Hour Minimum Wage Could Solve The Cost Of Living Crisis

“Inflation is costing U.S. households an extra $341 a month,” according to CNBC. “The cost of eggs rose 10.3% from last month, while milk was up 3.1% and chicken prices increased 3.4%. Butter increased 3.7% month over month, compared with a 7.1% hike in margarine prices.”

With the Federal minimum wage currently set at $7.25 per hour, employees have to work more than sixty minutes to afford a single item at the grocery store. For example, a steak can easily cost $18 at Walmart. That’s 2.4 hours’ worth of work for something I can devour in ten seconds.

Everyone knows that a $1,000 minimum wage would make life easier for millions of people. Employees could buy a month’s worth of groceries with an hour’s worth of work. And, of course, they could dine at expensive restaurants without worrying about the cost.

When companies finally pay people a reasonable wage, employees will show up to work with a smile. They won’t be worried about inflation anymore as prices will stay the same while the minimum wage gets hiked to something a lot more reasonable such as $1,000 per hour.

A Higher Minimum Wage Will Allow Everyone To Buy A Home

64% of Americans reportedly live paycheck to paycheck. And with the housing market heating up, many people are being priced out of their own neighborhoods.

We need a solution. Fast.

One genius idea is providing universal housing to absolutely everyone. Because regardless of age, income, or credit score, I firmly believe that everyone should own a three-bedroom house by the beach. But if we somehow fill every inch of the American coastline with skyscrapers and condos, a view of the Rocky Mountains would be a sufficient alternative.

Let’s do the math. If the minimum wage is $1,000 per hour, it would only take 428 hours to pay for a new home in full. Or, it would only take 342 hours to buy a home if you put down 20% and get a mortgage for the rest.

Easy peasy.

Don’t Fall For People’s Excuses As To Why A $1,000 Minimum Wage Isn’t Possible

Because I’m so open-minded, I hang out with Republican voters once per day. The event is called “a family dinner.” Sadly, everyone in my household doubts my economic policies and calls them unfeasible. However, I immediately discount their opinions as they don’t share the same political views as me.

The truth is that most people don’t understand economics. They also haven’t spent anywhere near as much time as me learning about economic principles on YouTube. They’re scared and don’t want to admit that a higher minimum wage of $1,000 is possible.

To summarize, the facts of the minimum wage debate are simple:

  • We want more money.
  • Pay us $1,000 per hour.
  • It’s what we deserve.

I look forward to my next paycheck.

Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here.

Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Therefore, it should not be considered financial or legal advice.